Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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