I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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