he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
