Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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