He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
