I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
