you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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