I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
