he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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