If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
