I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
