Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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