something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
