your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
is that a dick in a sweater?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
