Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
