how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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