You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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