After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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