This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
