No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize