she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
