i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
