none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
