chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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