it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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