Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize