Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
