Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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