he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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