The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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