I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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