you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
