She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
