whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
