what day is it and did you see me today?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
