i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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