She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
