Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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