brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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