Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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