why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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