genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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