This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize