well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
