the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
