Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
