yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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