Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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