He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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