i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize