What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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