I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
