I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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