i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
