I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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