he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize