i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
