Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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