pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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