Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
