Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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