What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
