maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
