At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
