What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
