piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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