good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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