he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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