ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
