You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
