She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
