Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
