you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
