My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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