omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
