There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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