why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have surprise drugs for everyone
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
