My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize